How Women Make Men Stupid
Telling men the truth is a public service.
I’ll be honest. I have a major pet peeve around when women withhold the truth from men.
Ghosting him instead of telling him you’re not interested.
“It’s not you it’s me” equivalencies instead of honest feedback about what made you not want to see him again.
“I’m fine” instead of a true reveal of yourself, and the impact of his words or behaviors.
Not setting boundaries. Laughing when you’re actually offended. Faking orgasms. You get the gist.
It is classic women’s conditioning to withhold, keep it polite, attune to him, take care of his feelings.
But this is the very conditioning that turns our men into idiots. The ones we ultimately resent, punish, break up with, and complain to our friends about for being so off.
Men generally in the culture do not receive proper feedback from women.
They can’t see themselves clearly because the relational field is distorted.
So they are winging it.
Operating from incomplete, absent, or incorrect feedback and repeating it over and over again.
Searching frantically through the dark to be able to connect and please you.
Because honestly.
That is all men want.
To please you.
I had a teacher once who said that women want attention, and men want approval.
This absolutely couldn’t be more true.
When men are totally off the mark, it most likely isn’t because he’s an arrogant asshole
When a man is off the mark it is probably because he is absolutely clueless, despite his never-ending desire not to be.
And he will continue to be clueless so long as he gets distorted and partial feedback from women.
Telling men the truth is a public service.
It is without a doubt the absolute most generous thing you can do to tell a man
“This doesn’t feel good.”
“That hurts my feelings.”
“Here is what I want instead and what lights me up.”
with an open heart and ZERO fuck you attached.
Giving feedback as an invitation for him to see himself more clearly through the mirror that is your feminine truth.
In order to do this you have to stop playing small and claim that your experience is the highest currency between you.
You are THE hot commodity. You have to let go of the belief that any of this is about him.
You have to attune fully not to him, but to YOU. And then invite him, through your feedback, into attuning to you as well.
It is generous to give him the opportunity. If not with you, then with the next woman who pops up in his life.
Can you imagine how differently the last man you ghosted or rejected might have shown up with you if he had been told the full truth by the woman who came before you?
Honest feedback to willing men are how we initiate men into perceptiveness, embodiment, attunement, and attentiveness.
Wanting a man with these qualities but being unwilling to give the feedback that allows him to become this man with you — is a fantasy.
And because I’ve been this person in my feminist era… I’ll just add here that if you’re resentful about the ‘emotional labor’ that this requires, you don’t have the maturity that is necessary for the conscious connected relationship you want.
This pose of generosity and honesty requires the deep inner work of being unwaveringly connected with yourself, and then holding the line for that depth and quality with the people around you.
Not everyone will be game to receive honest, open-hearted feedback from you.
But you will be surprised how many are.
And the ability to do this all starts and ends with you — the depth of your connection first and foremost within yourself.
Hailey Marino is a transformational teacher of the Feminine path.
She guides and coaches with women both in 1:1 containers and through her foundational group membership program called SELFISH.
Hailey is in service to truth, self love, and the embodiment of inherent power.
She teaches the spiritual left-handed path, embodied.
You can learn more by following @haileymarino on Instagram or visiting her website.
